Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Me...Only Younger

This prompt is me watching my seven-year old self playing and having a good time. It is hard to begin because of all the shame and sadness outnumbers the happy and joyful times. I will start by describing the room that I am in.

My bed is next to my brother's bed. We are living in a two story house. The upstairs area is where our room is. It has sloped ceilings and a good window that I could climb through. There is a cabinet at the head of the bed that separates my bed from my brothers'. At the foot our beds is a cheap, wicker entertainment center where we have a television and a nintendo. I loved playing the nintendo. It was always so much fun to see who would do better. Usually my brother did. He would always gloat about it as well. Mostly in good humor but also to show some dominance. My toys are all lined up in the cabinet by the head of the bed. I could open the cabinet and see that I had the top shelf for my toys and my brother had the bottom shelf. His shelf is so messy and cluttered whereas mine is organized and straightened up. My toys are not lying down but standing up. It is organized by type of toy. For instance, all my action figures are at one end while the "misc" toys are at the other. It was nice to get out on the roof and look out onto the field. During one holiday, there were fireworks coming from the center of town. We didn't get to go but I was able to see some from the roof. The window was right above the cabinet and we had to turn a handle to open it. I use to run through the field in my barefeet to "strengthen" them. The field was full of small plants with thorns. Just a portion of the field was covered in them. I would run through and get stronger everyday. I remember having my brother's respect for that at some point. I was good at hiding my physical pain that way. It was so dirty back in the field. No one ever used it to grow crops or anything. It was just a bunch of dirt. Fun to play in though. My favorite tree was there too. I use to climb that tree so well. I knew all the spots to grab and hide things. When we moved away, I climbed the tree and had a nice long conversation with myself about how I was going to miss it. I would literally spend hours climbing in and out and around that tree. Before I said my final goodbye, I gave it some money and wedged it in really good so that the money would never slip out. I was such a goofy little kid. I was really nice and compassionate as well. I loved giving people gifts. I would spend all my money at Christmas time for gifts for other people and not think about getting me one. I would save and save for months thinking about what to get people.

I suppose what I would bring back from that time would be that sense of compassion and joy in that compassion. Feeling overjoyed at giving something to someone used to be such a great treasure. It seems as though that has all worn away now and gift giving seems more like an obligation. I would also love to climb more trees.

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