Friday, January 6, 2012

a boy and a lake

There is an image that haunts my very soul. It's a dark image, many silhouettes appear, coming in and out, out of focus. The sound of silence rings in the ears of those who take a view upon the scene.  When sounds do come, they are muted and create no echo. Their existence is short and provide no comfort from the escape of silence. The colors are drab and dull. Grass appears withered and dead while water provides no blue reflection, only that of dirty ponds.

there is a boy sitting at a lake. he is wearing shorts, tennis shoes, and socks that come up past his ankles. he is rather short but he is only a child. his hair is medium in length and somewhat sandy blonde...but dark as well. his shirt is baggy and dirty. he is sitting on the shore of this lake. his expression shows that of disappointment. he is playing with the rocks that are below him. he doesn't seem to be alone but he acts as if he is. he sits there, legs bent, sitting on the ground, looking morose and lifeless. something was taken from him. nothing physical but something that every child should have...a spark....a life force. this child exists without existing. he knows it. he just waits for the next thing. he is filled with disappointment. it isn't disappointment with himself but with someone else. at this stage he holds no disappointment for himself. he is crushed, though. he is utterly crushed. he doesn't cry but just waits. he picks up a rock and slightly hits it on another rock, knowing very well that nothing will happen. he knows the rocks won't break but he continues to do so. the rocks are nice and smooth. the water on the lake is calm and quiet. he is sitting there waiting for something to happen but, secretly, expects it to fail again. he is use to this kind of disappointment. this complete letdown. he doesn't think that he actually deserves to be made happy. he figures that life is just full of letdowns. he stops hitting his rock and crosses his arms over his knees and looks out on the lake. in front of him there is a row boat. it gently sways on the still water. there are two benches and two oars inside this boat. it's been there for quiet some time. the condition of the wood is not good, its protectant coating as long worn off and it splinters to the elements. it is as lonely and disappointed as the boy. it wants someone to validate its use and existence. it wants someone to row across the lake in it. but it sits there, half in the water, half on the shore, tied to a rock. it sits there and slowly dies and no one is watching or realizing what is happening. the boy gazes out on it but doesn't see its weathered condition. all the boy sees is a lost promise, an unfulfilled dream. the boy sees another opportunity to be let down. the boy wants his adventure but doesn't want it alone. his adventures alone provide no validation from the human world. he wants to be accepted. he wants people to recognize him for what he is. instead, he feels overlooked or badly looked upon. if only, he wouldn't be let down and someone would take him over and smile down at him and return his excitement. if only someone would feed into his imagination and help create an adventure of kings. an adventure that would take that rowboat and give it a color of deep golden brown. it's bow would be raised with ornate and elaborate wood workings. its oars would be in the shape of long branches with a leaf at the end. the boat would be the vessel that would take the boy and who he is waiting for to that special place where adventures come true. the boat would be proud to be the boy's boat and would always be looked upon as a vessel of honor and pride. the boy would stand tall at the front of the row boat as it made its way down the clear waters that reflect a beautiful, blue sky. from the waters, the boy would be able to see everything, not just the reflection of the sky but the reflection of time and space and himself. all that in a single reflection and the boat would be sailing through. they would reach the other side of that lake. but that is just what the boy fantasizes for. the reality stings as the boat sits in the quiet, still lake and the boy continues to tap one rock with another, sitting on the shore wondering where his person is.